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It has been a week since I began my Journey with my new perspective. What a week it has been. I have had more revelations about myself and adjustments I need to make.
This week, I learned that I choose my priorities. Previously, I have let priorities choose me.
I know. It sounds simple and intuitive, but the reality is I have not been in control of priorities. You may ask, “How can that be?” To answer that, I want to share what led me to that discovery.
Part 1 - Two weeks ago, I was helping a friend move. She asked me to help her out with a project. Without a thought, I said sure, and we made arrangements to meet on Friday two weeks from then (this past Friday).
Part 2 – Since January, my husband has been working many more hours than normal due to being the sponsor for the Robotics team. The competition is just around the corner. As a result, we have only seen each other for any length of time about one evening a week for the last few weeks.
Now for the Situation – Thursday, I informed my husband I would be meeting my friend the next night to help her out. Having only spent one evening together that week and going to bed at 8:30 on that night, I suppose I should not have been surprised at the negative reaction I received to that piece of news.
My Reaction – At first, I began to get defensive and place the blame on his schedule rather than mine. But I quickly put into practice what I learned in The Journey Training and switched perspectives. I quit responding to his words and listened to the unspoken statements behind them. When I did that, I heard, “Why am I the last on your list for your attention?” “I feel as though you put your commitments to others before me.” “Am I not worthy of your time?”
I know that my husband did not consciously think any of these things, but the truth is, I had done all of those in the past. Again, not consciously, but I had done them.
My husband is a wonderful and loving man. And even in his frustration, he handed me back the ball and let the final outcome rest in my decision as he has done so many times.
Here is where the rubber met the road. I realized that every time he had done this in the past, I chose my other commitment because, after all, I made a commitment and one does not break commitments. But this time I realized I had a more important commitment. One I had made over 26 years earlier and had not been mindful of for many years. I chose my husband. I notified my friend and apologized. I stayed home with him. Although he didn’t say anything to me except “Thank you,” the relief he felt was visible and almost made me weep.
Lessons learned – I have let priorities control me. Now I will control my priorities. Because I value commitment highly, don’t make commitments willy-nilly. If I over commit, I have the right to choose which one I will keep. Just because a commitment is long standing and life long, does not mean it does not require attention and maintenance.
And guess what, my friend still loves me and is still my friend. The world did not end because I broke a commitment.
This week, I learned that I choose my priorities. Previously, I have let priorities choose me.
I know. It sounds simple and intuitive, but the reality is I have not been in control of priorities. You may ask, “How can that be?” To answer that, I want to share what led me to that discovery.
Part 1 - Two weeks ago, I was helping a friend move. She asked me to help her out with a project. Without a thought, I said sure, and we made arrangements to meet on Friday two weeks from then (this past Friday).
Part 2 – Since January, my husband has been working many more hours than normal due to being the sponsor for the Robotics team. The competition is just around the corner. As a result, we have only seen each other for any length of time about one evening a week for the last few weeks.
Now for the Situation – Thursday, I informed my husband I would be meeting my friend the next night to help her out. Having only spent one evening together that week and going to bed at 8:30 on that night, I suppose I should not have been surprised at the negative reaction I received to that piece of news.
My Reaction – At first, I began to get defensive and place the blame on his schedule rather than mine. But I quickly put into practice what I learned in The Journey Training and switched perspectives. I quit responding to his words and listened to the unspoken statements behind them. When I did that, I heard, “Why am I the last on your list for your attention?” “I feel as though you put your commitments to others before me.” “Am I not worthy of your time?”
I know that my husband did not consciously think any of these things, but the truth is, I had done all of those in the past. Again, not consciously, but I had done them.
My husband is a wonderful and loving man. And even in his frustration, he handed me back the ball and let the final outcome rest in my decision as he has done so many times.
Here is where the rubber met the road. I realized that every time he had done this in the past, I chose my other commitment because, after all, I made a commitment and one does not break commitments. But this time I realized I had a more important commitment. One I had made over 26 years earlier and had not been mindful of for many years. I chose my husband. I notified my friend and apologized. I stayed home with him. Although he didn’t say anything to me except “Thank you,” the relief he felt was visible and almost made me weep.
Lessons learned – I have let priorities control me. Now I will control my priorities. Because I value commitment highly, don’t make commitments willy-nilly. If I over commit, I have the right to choose which one I will keep. Just because a commitment is long standing and life long, does not mean it does not require attention and maintenance.
And guess what, my friend still loves me and is still my friend. The world did not end because I broke a commitment.